Chapter Two

“You should just ask him out,” Olivia told me as I explained to her my situation and my odd feeling of disappointment when I didn’t see that one guy on the train the previous day. “I mean, it’s better than getting depressed whenever he’s not on the train, or when he looks like he’s with some whore or whatever. I mean, seriously, grow a pair and do it!”
“I can’t just randomly walk up to him and ask him out, Olivia,” I sighed. “I don’t even know him. And he has no idea I exist.”
“Oh, please,” Olivia scoffed. “The more you put it off, the more you’re just going to feel bad about yourself.”
“That’s not true.”
Olivia rolled over on her bed so that she lied on her stomach. She stuck her feet up in the air and bent her knees so that her feet almost came to her behind. “Caitlin, you’re an awesome sister, and I love you. But you’ve got to believe that you’re as awesome as I think you are, because… well, you’re as awesome as I think you are. You need to have a little faith in yourself and believe in yourself. You’re going to go to college, find out what you really love to do, and do it so amazingly and perfectly that when you think back on the times where you were all mopey, you’ll think about how stupid you were because you were that amazing this whole time and you were too stupid to see it.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Erm… thanks?”
“Don’t thank me, just believe it!”
I sighed. “I just don’t know, Olivia. I mean, I really can’t imagine myself… doing anything. You know what I mean? I’m not good at anything, and I don’t really have a passion for anything. I just sort of… run along every day in this rut that’s been out in front of me for as long as I can remember, going back and forth, and back and forth, until finally the rut is six foot deep and the rut becomes my grave. I don’t see myself doing anything passionately, I don’t see myself having a real future where I get to really live out myself.”
Olivia simply frowned. “I think you’re going to come out of the rut and find something so amazing… it’s going to be so unbelievable and amazing when you see it. Amazing and beautiful. God, you’re going to be so shocked at the beauties that are out there!”
“Oh, like you know so much about life’s beauties,” I said in a sarcastic manner.
“I know just a little more than you.”
“And what have you done?”
“Well, I’ve been out of the rut, for one thing. I’ve been in love. Hell, still am in love.”
“Your high school boyfriend doesn’t count as being in love.”
“It sure as hell does!” Olivia snapped, now back on her back side, staring up at the ceiling. “We’re soul mates, Billy and I are, and we’re incredibly happy together.”
I sighed. “I doubt I even have a soul mate.”
“You probably do. You need to try out a guy. Like that one on the train, for instance.”
“I bet Cedric has a soul mate, and I don’t. It’ll be some girl, waiting for her perfect guy, only to find out that he died and left his clearly less superior sister behind.”
Olivia sighed. “Are we going to talk about Cedric again?”
“Are you annoyed with the fact that my brother is dead?”
“Of course not! I’m just so sick of you saying that you should have died instead of him!”
“Oh, so you’re happy he died, then, is it?”
“Caitlin, you’re twisting my words!” Olivia snapped.
“Then what do you mean, then, huh? What the hell are you trying to say?”
“I hate yelling at each other about this,” Olivia groaned. “This thing that always happens whenever Cedric is brought into the conversation. Look, I’m sure he was a very good boy, and I know how much you loved him—”
“Love him,” I interjected. “I still love him.”
“I know how much you love him. What happened has happened, though, and you’ve been gifted with life. You should take advantage of it, Caitlin, and life your life. Seize the moment, and all that crap.”
“You sound very convincing,” I said with the heavy sarcasm again.
“It’s better than living in a rut, Caitlin,” she said, getting up. “Just try it once. It is very likely you will probably get the greatest thrill of your life.”
I still really had no idea what she meant by all that, so I decided to just keep it in the back of my head for now. I had plenty of time to think over it once I had actually gotten to work and had nothing to do again. I went to the station and clambered onto the train, waiting, and hoping for him to come on the train, with another girl or without.
And for the first time in the history I could remember, he got on the train completely alone. No whores or slutty girls anywhere near him.
Seize the moment. Take advantage of life and live. The words rang in my head constantly until the train started moving again.
The next thing I remembered was me sitting down in the empty seat next to him.
“Hi,” I said. “Is this seat taken?”
He smiled. It was the first time I had ever seen him smile. He seemed to look so much more handsome. “No, go ahead and take it.”
“Thanks,” I said, sitting down. Shit, I thought, now I have to think of an excuse for why I randomly came and sat down next to him. “There are some pretty weird people back there.”
He nodded. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that quite a few strange people tend to use this train.”
“Right. I mean, I just use it to go from work to home, but you have to wonder what other people are using it for, where they’re going.”
“I don’t really pay too much attention to other people.”
“Oh.”
Silence.
The next thing I knew, the train stopped in London.
“Um… this is my stop,” I said, getting up and grabbing my purse. “Thanks for letting me sit here.”
“No problem,” he said.
I gave him one more little smile and got off the train.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, was all I could think of when I was at work. Sweeping the floors again before serving a random, little old lady, I constantly thought of what an idiot I must have looked like to him.
I mean, I should have at least asked him what his name was. There were so many ways I could have started a conversation instead of having that stupid, stupid, stupid awkward silence just linger between us. My head began to fill with potential conversation starters. “Hi, my name is Caitlin,” I muttered under my breath. “I work at this restaurant. Why don’t you stop by some time?… So where are you going?… Do you have a job that you regularly go to?… Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.”
Our one customer looked at me with a mix of terrible confusion and pure fear.
“Sorry,” I said. “Here’s your check.”
After work, I got on the train back home. He was back again, yet with another “friend” of his. He must’ve picked her up in London. I was stuck in the back of the train, quite alone.
“‘Ello, beau’iful,” came a laughing voice from behind me. I turned around, and it was a man with a group of friends, all laughing stupidly. “Do you have some water for my friend here?”
The girl next to him was coughing.
“Erm… yeah, I do,” I said. I grabbed the small water bottle from my bag and handed it to him. His friend drank it in two large gulps.
She stopped and began to laugh. This group of people couldn’t make it any more obvious that they were incredibly drunk.
“Thanks,” she said, holding a can in her hand. “Would you like a beer?”
“Um, no thanks,” I said, turning away. I didn’t drink, and probably never will, and even if I decided to, I doubted on the train before going home would be a good place to start.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Quite sure?”
“Yes, I really don’t want any.”
“All right, how about a coke, then?”
I hesitated for a moment. The coke was opened, I had no idea what had gone into it. “No, thanks, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, thanks, though.”
The guy sitting behind me reached over and grabbed my arm.
“What’s wrong with having a coke, huh?”
“Hey,” said a voice.
I looked up. It was him, standing with his slutty friend from London.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
The guy behind me let go of my arm.
“Why don’t you come sit over up front with me?” he offered.
“Yeah, okay,” I said, getting up quickly.
“You don’t mind sitting here, do you?” he asked his slutty friend from London.
She shrugged, and sat down, quickly conversing with the drunk group of friends. She seemed equally as drunk as the rest of them did.
I went up front with him, and sat down next to him where the slutty girl from London sat not too long ago.
“Thank you so much,” I said, laughing slightly. “I could hear them talking a little while ago, and they seemed rather funny and amusing, but that just brought it too far.”
“I know what you mean,” he said. “I never got to introduce myself. I’m Lucas Francium. Lucas, Luke, call me whatever. I really don’t care. Don’t usually introduce myself to people.”
I found that slightly surprising considering how many new girls he seemed to encounter every time I saw him.
“I’m Caitlin. Caitlin Whitewood.”
“Caitlin? No nickname, then?”
“Nickname?”
“Yeah. Like, a shorter version of your name.
“No. I’ve always just been Caitlin.”
“Just Caitlin? Not Cait? Or Lin? Or Caity? Or Kit-Kat?”
“Kit-Kat?” I repeated.
“Yeah. Kit-Kat. Like the chocolate. I don’t really know, the name Caitlin sort of sounds like Kit-Kat to me.”
I smiled. “That’s so weird.”
He shrugged and smiled back. “I like chocolate too much. Mind you, chocolate cake is one of my favorite things.”
“Really? I prefer red velvet.”
“Nothing beats chocolate cake in my opinion.”
And then we had a conversation about pastries. We went everywhere from chocolate cake, to biscottis, and even to croissants.
“I think Nutella is possibly one of the most amazing things ever,” I told him. “Seriously, it’s so good.”
“Ah, yeah,” he said. “Chocolate! I don’t get people who don’t love that stuff.”
I laughed.
The train stopped. The trip seemed so much shorter this time around.
“Well, I’ve got to go home now,” I said slowly, getting up. “It was really nice talking to you, Luke. Lucas. Whatever.” I laughed. “Thanks again for saving me from the drunk people.”
“Any time,” he said, his smile making him incredibly handsome again. “See you around, Caitlin.”